I smiled at the young man with a gold earring in his ear as he attached a wristband to my arm. They signified ranking: mine was blue, which told men I was a bottom. I scanned the bar’s main area, watching men in various activities. Sensuously groping one another in dark areas of the bar, making out, their eyes only for each other, grinding slowly to the Trey Songz song that pulsed from the speakers.
I closed my eyes as my mind wandered to the last time Josaiah and I were here. I was carrying him out of the bar, his body heavy, not just from his weight, but because of the alcohol he had consumed. I had watched as he downed glass after glass of something or other, his hands and mouth greedily taking what he wanted from multiple men.
I could hear my ragged breathing in my ears and opened my eyes. I swiftly walked to the bar, hoisted myself onto a stool, and waited patiently for the bartender, Joey, to serve me. Maybe I’ll order something strong. It’s not like I am getting fucked tonight. Although on second thought, if I were to get fucked, a non-alcoholic beverage would keep my head clear so that I could remember the experience.
“Yo, man. What can I get for you?”
“A water, please.” Suddenly, I felt like I was going to cry, and the cold beverage would help keep the tears at bay.
“I haven’t seen you since you carried Jo outta here. How is he?” he asked as he filled a cup with ice.
I lowered my eyes, a lump the size of a golf ball forming in my throat.
Please, don’t cry, not here!
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said softly as I took the glass from him, the coldness from the ice cooling my now warm hands. I took a long swig, set the glass on the bar, and regarded Joey. I shook my head. “I’m not sure how he’s doing.”
“Oooh, trouble in paradise?” He looked at me expectantly, awaiting my answer, but I turned my head.
It’s none of your business.
“Okay, so you don’t wanna talk? Why are you here then? You look like you’ve had one helluva week. Want something stronger?”
I dropped my head into my hands, not wanting to divulge the pain, hurt, and anger that I felt. Inhaling deeply to calm myself, I turned back toward him and shook my head.
“Suit yourself,” he muttered as he walked away to serve other patrons.
Sipping on my water, I watched the men. Some wore practically nothing while others wore leather outfits, the material hugging their muscles and curves just right. I tore my eyes away as I watched a twink with a nose ring on his knees, his Dominant’s hand tousling his hair as he reached to fasten a play collar around his neck. I squeezed my eyes shut again, wishing with all my might that I could just forget BDSM altogether.
After meeting Josaiah, I did a little more research into the subject and the different implements used for pain and pleasure. It seemed everywhere I looked, something jarred a memory or a thought of the lifestyle, and I hated it so much! Maybe it was a mistake coming back here. Slamming my glass down on the bar, I raised my hand. One more drink, and I’ll leave. I could feel the tension building in my shoulders.
“Joey!” I snapped, not caring about my tone of voice.
“What’s up?” His eyes were searching my face, concern evident in his expression.
“Another glass of water, please,” I huffed, avoiding his gaze and looked at the patrons surrounding the bar.
Most men were engaged in conversation, but others were eating, drinking, and laughing loudly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man sitting alone at the far-left corner of the bar, and I snickered. His hair is fucking purple!
I focused on his body language: how his folded, hairy arms rested on the bar, his long fingers tapped the glass that he was holding, and he seemed oblivious to the men ogling him.
Why am I looking at other men? I knew that Josaiah and I were over, and he had betrayed me, but I still felt a tug in my heart when I thought about him. Maybe this was a mistake. All I had wanted was to get away from my thoughts of Josaiah, and just be in the moment.
Jaycee’s Saloon was where I used to come and unwind after a long week, getting fucked and sucked, but now all it held were memories, both good and bad. There was nothing left for me here. As I stood to go, I took one last glance at the guy with the purple hair. He seemed not to notice anything around him.
I walked a few steps in his direction to get a better view. Holy fuck! He was hotter up close, the muscles in his arms and back taut, his hair combed back making it appear smooth, his face shaven and clean. I licked my lips and walked closer to the man. I stopped as he turned toward me. He raised his face in my direction, and I couldn’t take my eyes off his. He didn’t look at me directly, and his eyes were cloudy.
Inhaling deeply, I stepped back and squeezed my lips together. He’s blind, could he know Josaiah?
