Table of Contents

Book Info

Lily Lamb
30 September 2020
Book Type
Heat Level


I knew the instant I saw him he was meant for me.
I feel like the focus of my life took a hundred-and-eighty-degree shift.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
He became my obsession…my descent into hell.
Damn. I couldn’t be sure who the monster was…him, me or my enemies.
My heart and mind will defy all logic but he doesn’t know that.
I’ll do anything for Dillon. He defines my destiny and I will fight for his survival. Our fates are sealed.
I shall not wait any longer.

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Reviewed By: Josh Dale


This book is simply amazing, though it is a romance it is also a psychological thriller-ish.

We have Scott that has an unhealthy attraction to Dillon who visits the building where Scott works, to see a counsellor.

Scott does the usual stalker type actions and eventually he gets to meet Dillon.

Dillon is a young man who is desperate for some one to show him affection and love. His parents only want him around when they attend functions.

Dillon and Scott get off to a bumpy start, but each feels the connection to the other, initially things seem to be heading in the right direction, but they are both wary of one another.

Then things turn dark when Dillon turns the table on Scott. Unbeknown to Dillon Scott has mental health problems. He hears voices as well as suffers paranoia. Also, Scott has recently stopped taking his medication.

So, after the tables are turned things start spiralling out of control and get darker. I am not going to spoil the story by telling you what events happen.

But what I can tell you is that Lilly has done an amazing job of showing us what is going on inside Scotts head. And how Dillon reacts to the events.

The Emotions of both characters are so raw, that I felt I was the characters. Like Dillon you feel like he should run a mile and never look back. But it is funny what love can make us do.

I especially liked the way Lilly showed us Scott’s internal battle with the chip as he calls the voices. And how he battled with himself to try and keep Dillon safe.

The characters are like chalk and cheese on the service, Dillon a rich kid that has an easy life, and Scott the rugged outdoor survivor kind of guy. But when you take a deeper look, they both are looking for affection and love, and to matter to someone.

At the start of the story I just thought Scott was a bit obsessive, oh boy I was so wrong. We are on such a dark bumpy journey that could end in so many ways.

The author has done an amazing job of portraying Scott’s mental health issues in a non-judgemental way. And the way Dillon steps up when needed, throws his comfortable life aside and surprises himself as he becomes independent whilst hoping he can somehow reach out and get Scott the help he needs.

Review Rating 5+ Stars


Chapter One


Where the hell is he?

No matter how I tried to look indifferent in my chair, anyone would have easily guessed that I was agitated, especially by the way I kept tapping my fingers on the desk. Until he walked into the building a few weeks ago, my life had been easy…smooth…organized as much as it could be. Then he opened the door as if he owned the whole, goddamn place.

Bang! My life started to change. Since then, I haven’t been myself. It’s like the focus of my life made a hundred-and-eighty-degree shift. Who does that in his early forties, apart from me?

The little shit doesn’t even realize the power he has over me. Thank gods. Having said that, there’s a tiny part of me itching like a mosquito bite. It’s making me think that he knows exactly what he’s doing. Fuck!

Seriously though, I sometimes wonder whether he’s trying to aggravate me on purpose to show me who’s the boss in this relationship. I had to clench my fist at that thought to stop myself from throwing my pen at the wall. What a fucking tease! At least I now know his game.

Lately, he’s started coming to his appointments later and later. I think he’s trying to test the boundaries but… I can’t help fantasizing how I would love to pull him over my knees and spank the shit out of his bubble butt. Yes, I seriously want to do that to him for annoying me like this. Fuck it. This is not how I react in normal circumstances. Hell, I don’t even know when it was that I found spanking someone’s butt arousing.

Here I am, sitting at my usual corner, doing my best to look casual just in case someone comes downstairs. Seriously though, who am I trying to impress here? There’s no one around, so why am I bothering to act like I don’t give a shit whether he’s coming or not? Come to think of it, would anyone know that I’ve been interested in him? Let alone watching and waiting to see him? I wouldn’t think so.

Sighing, I stood up and walked casually toward the large window beside the glass door. Funny, that’s what many people do on a wet day. Watch the car park. Not! Scratch that. It’s pouring out there so there’s hardly anyone walking around the car park.

Damn it! I again forgot that he catches a bus to come to this building. Maybe he wasn’t going to come today because of the weather. I couldn’t help but frown at the notion that I might not see him this week. What if he doesn’t come back at all? Maybe he gave up this therapy bullshit that his parents forced on him. Shit!

Like an alcoholic craving for a drink, I crave for him. All I seem to think about when I’m alone at night is him. I wait in anticipation to see his face every Friday at four in the afternoon. The very last client in Dr. Shultz’s calendar on each occasion.

What can I say? Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. I try to accept that his weekly appointments are enough to satisfy my need to see him. But it’s a lie. Fuck, I even dream about him. I started getting off in the mornings by imagining what I would love to do to his sweet ass.

The very charismatic Dillon Cruise, a twenty-one-year-old skinny runt who started coming to the clinic as ‘recommended’ by his affluent parents. Yes, I even stooped low enough to read the good doctor’s notes after each session to find out why Dillon looked so miserable that he had to visit Dr. Shultz. They hope that he’ll get control of his temper. Hell, they reckon they’re gonna cut off his allowance and he would have to fund his university training and lifestyle himself.

Damn it. I broke every rule that kept me in this job as a security guard, and now all has gone downhill. If anyone notices what I’m doing to find out about the kid, I’d be sacked! Possibly even prosecuted for invasion of privacy or some other shit reason.

“Ahhh, there you are my Precious.” There’s nothing like self-mockery, hey? He is my ‘Precious,’ and I guess I must be like another version of ‘Gollum’ in Tolkien. A better-looking Gollum though, over six foot tall and a somewhat muscular bear version of that emaciated slimy creature… but I don’t bother with semantics.

I’m kinda preoccupied with the guy.

I suppose I should be grateful for this rainy day. As I spy at Dillon from between the vertical-blind slats, I notice he’s walking quicker to the building. Somewhat faster than his usual dragging of heels. Last Friday, I nearly raced outside to drag him indoors, frustrated by the way he walked so slowly. He looked like he was trying to make a point to his parents and the therapist for pushing him to come here. It was like watching a black and white silent movie that is supposed to be funny but it wasn’t in reality. I guess it never occurred to him to get a job and gain his independence.

I went back to my desk, shaking my head at that thought. I made sure I looked busy before he saw me perving on him. While I randomly pressed some keys on the keyboard, I had to clench my jaw to stop myself from launching at him in fury, when I was unexpectedly interrupted by a loud bang coming from outside.

“Hey! Watch it!” I grumbled, seeing how careless he was with the door as he slammed it.

“Relax! It was an accident…for fuck’s sake,” Dillon muttered condescendingly, making my blood boil.

It’d been a long time since anyone dared to swear at me. To think that this scrawny ass showed me disrespect filled me more with anticipation than rage, though. Yeah. I imagined ways of punishing him, so I stood up to show Dillon I was much bigger and bulkier than he imagined. How dare he try to patronize me? Let’s put it this way. I am massive compared to that runt who barely reaches my shoulder in height.

This time, I growled back at him, “Watch it!”

“Whatever, man,” he mumbled while walking into the elevator.

I made sure I glared at him as I drew myself up to my full height. Huh! That tool tried his best to avoid eye contact with me, but I saw him glancing furtively in my direction as the door shut.

He was exasperating but also adorable in a weird way. There he was in the elevator, going up to the fifth floor and I couldn’t help but grin. The dork didn’t realize that I could see inside the elevator through the security camera when he flipped a finger. I suppose that was meant for me. I am so looking forward to punishing him when the time is right. Watch out, here comes my evil grin.

I sat back and monitored him through the fifth-floor security camera as he ambled to Dr. Shultz’s office.

Maybe I could leave a little device and listen to what they talked about during the therapy session and not just reading the doctor’s notes. Nah. My conscience still had some influence in my decision making so I won’t intrude on the boy’s session. At least for now. It depends on his behavior, I guess.

I know that this charade can’t go on like this forever. I am running out of patience with him. I can’t just sit and watch the little shit like a teenager fawning over another boy. I have to think of a way to…to do something. But what?

Damn! I knew where he lived since it was my job to rove through the floors. I had regularly popped into Dr. Shultz’s office and helped myself to all the essential information about Dillon. It appears he lives close to the university in a swanky apartment block. From what I read, he lives alone, but I need to know more about him before I deal with him. I could not enter the building without the security passcode and I sure didn’t want to freak him out by ringing his doorbell either. My fear over him canceling the sessions or his parents changing their minds is too high. I need to do something before it is too late.

The boy’s session was almost finished. Knowing how Dr. Shultz operates, I turned to the monitor to watch Dillon heading for the elevator after forty-five minutes of therapy time.

It was nearly the end of the day for occupants in the building. Shortly after the good doctor leaves the building, I’ll be going through the floors before I turn on the security system and lock the building for the weekend – another reason why I liked this job. It’s a cushy and standard office-hours position that paid well for what it was worth.

Without any diversion, I went straight home, just outside of town and close to the woods. It was an old three-bedroomed home that kept me busy with renovations every night and weekend.

During my pitiful week, I exercise by jogging in the woods and scaling some of the tallest oak trees before starting work on the house at night.

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I'm a Turkish author of LGBT horror & romance. I work as a mental health nurse in a very busy general hospital in the daytime where I feed my soul by caring for others. I believe that my purpose in life was about making a difference in others' lives. At night, I tend to my imaginative alter-egos (Lily Lamb & A. Drew) by writing tales involving love, passion, mystery, and horror.

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